Can You Bleed Like Me?
by SynysterMoxley
Summary: Chris Benoit is forced to retire from wrestling after a serious neck is causes him to fall into depression and isolate himself from others.((Trigger warning:Self Harm!))
1. Chapter 1

Retirement isn't easy for anyone who loves a sport and wrestling isn't any different. Half the roster worked hard to be where they are now and they dreamt of accomplishing plenty of things in the sport. But now Benoit had to do that, retire because he landed on his neck doing a move off the turn buckle. Benoit hated himself after that happened. It's been 8 months since he gave a retirement speech on RAW and he still had a vivid memory of how sad the fans were, he even saw a few of them crying. But they had nothing to cry about since they could move on and keep enjoying the shows. He couldn't do that anymore, he couldn't watch the shows anymore without remembering he wasn't able to do anything like what he saw on screen anymore. So what was the point in watching?

Benoit got up from the couch he was sitting at and walked upstairs towards to his bedroom. The house felt empty. Eddie was on tour so he'd been alone for a few weeks, he missed the Latino. Eddie was the only reason he smiled now. Once he walked into the bedroom he noticed how big the bed looked without the other man it. He let out a sigh and walked into the bathroom instead. He looked at himself in the mirror, he had bags under his eyes, his skin was pale and his eyes were red from crying earlier."You look pathetic."Benoit said to his reflection.

He opened the medicine cabinet and moved a few bottles away until he found what he was looking for. He pulled out the small razor blade, he needed some relief and he was going to get it. He rolled up the sleeves of his sweatshirt enough to expose his wrist. He already had plenty of cuts there,one more wouldn't make any difference. He pressed the blade against his skin and winced at the stinging sensation. He watched the blood trickle down into the sink. He put the razor down and looked into the mirror."You make me sick…"He washed the blood away with hot water, not really caring how much it stung.

Benoit laid on the king sized bed in the room. The house was silent except for the crickets he heard outside and a few cars that would pass by. He hadn't gotten any sleep since Eddie left and it was starting to frustrate him_. 'Can't you do anything right anymore?'_He turned on his side and looked at the empty space Eddie should be in. He wanted the man back next to him, giving him comfort and whispering sweet things into his ear he couldn't really understand half of the time since they were in Spanish. He reached for Eddie's pillow and hugged it tightly. It still smelt like him so that was kind of comforting. Maybe he was getting to clingy, but he hated being separated from his lover especially with all that's been going on with him in the past months. Eddie was always by his side and gave him all the support he needed. Benoit remembered the day he gave his retirement speech and what the Latino said to him afterwards.

_"I wish I landed right…I wish didn't injure my neck…."Chris said in a quiet voice. He wiped tears away from his face."I feel so pathetic."He whispered."I shouldn't be crying I'm not a kid."Chris hissed angrily, he hated crying in front of other people especially Eddie._

_Eddie quietly knelt down in front of the Chris, placing a hand on the man's cheek."You're not pathetic,Chris." He tenderly wiped away tears with his thumb."You have all the right to be upset__papi__.__"Eddie smiled softly and looked at Chris right in the eyes."And if you want to let it out…"He gave him quick a kiss."__Estoy aqui__I'm here." Chris was sobbing, his head completely buried in Eddie's shoulder."Shh…"He ran his through Chris' hair."It's okay to cry…"_

God he really needed Eddie right now. He buried his face into the pillow and started sobbing until he fell asleep.

* * *

><p>Eddie stepped out of the car. He looked over at Rey and smiled."Thanks for the ride, <em>ese<em>." Rey returned the smile. " Take care Eddie. Now go check on Benoit you haven't stopped thinking about the man since we started the tour."Eddie closed the passenger door."I will."He watched as Rey drove off before turning around and walking towards the house. The ride was hours long and Chris not answering his phone made it even longer. He'd been worried sick about him the whole two weeks he'd been gone. He could tell something was wrong each with the Canadian each time they spoke on the phone. Chris had been acting off ever since the retirement speech. The man didn't eat, didn't sleep or get out much. He didn't blame him, but it wasn't ok for him to be neglecting himself like that.

"Carino, I'm back!"Eddie yelled as he walked in the house. He dropped the duffle bag he was carrying and ran upstairs towards their bedroom. It was early so Chris was probably still in bed.

"Papi?" He whispered when he stepped into their bedroom. He smiled softly when he saw Chris hugging his pillow and snoring into it. He didn't want to wake him up, not with how peaceful he looked. Without making any noise he walked out of the room and made his way back downstairs. Maybe he could cook something for him. He knew Chris wasn't eating properly.

Chris woke up an hour later. He yawned and stretched himself out, making a few of his joints crack. He got up from the bed and lazily made his way towards the kitchen. Maybe he could eat some cereal.

He furrowed his brows when he heard some noise coming from the kitchen."What the he-"he stopped in his tracks when saw Eddie making some pancakes in the kitchen. He smiled widely and walked up behind."When you get here?"He whispered into the smaller mans ear.

Eddie grinned and turned his head to give Chris a peck on the cheek."Uh like an hour ago."

"Why didn't you wake me up?"Chris started nibbling at Eddie's neck earning a small moan from the Latino.

Eddie turned around and gently pushed Chris away. "Cause I wanted to surprise you with some blueberry pancakes, _Papi_." Eddie replied and let out a sigh."Guess it isn't much of a surprise now…"

Chris chuckled."It's the thought that counts."Eddie rolled his eyes at that. Chris was about to kiss Eddie but was stopped by the other man covering his mouth."_Espera!" _Eddie exclaimed."I didn't start making these so they'd go to waste."

Chris moved Eddies hand away."But _Cher-_"

"You're not gonna sweet talk me with your French, Chris."Eddie interrupted."Besides you haven't been eating well."

Chris rose his hands up in defeat."Fine." The long sleeves started to slid down, revealing his wrists. He immediately put his hand down again. He didn't want Eddie to find out about the scars. He turned on his heels and walked into the living room.

A few minutes later Eddie joined him in the living room. He handed him a plate with a stack of four pancakes. Chris smiled up at Eddie. No one ever treated him like this except for Eddie it made him glad that the Latino was his.

"I would've made more but there wasn't enough pancake mix _Perdon_."

Chris shook his head. "Don't dwell on it. They're just pancakes."Chris took a bite and let out a satisfied noise."_Fantastique! _Like always."

Eddie chuckled and watched his lover dig into the pancakes like he hadn't eaten in days. He probably hadn't eaten much while he was gone.

"You ready for desert?"Eddie asked with a flirtatious grin once Chris finished up eating. He crawled up towards the Canadian and sat on his lap.

Chris grinned. "_Je te veux mon chéri" _He whispered before kissing Eddie's lips.

Eddie shivered."Say it again. "He loved it when the Canadian spoke French.

Chris reached for Eddie's shirt and took it off, throwing it aside. " _Je te veux mon chéri." _Chris whispered again and started trailing kisses all over the Latinos chest.

"_Dios!"_Eddie moaned as he felt Chris' lips on him. It felt so good.

Chris smirked at how Eddie was responding.

Eddie let his hands slowly wander up the man's shirt. They hadn't done anything like this in months and he'd be lying if he said he didn't it. Suddenly Chris pushed him off,making him land on the hard ground.

Chris tucked his shirt back into his sweat pants."I'm sorry."Chris mumbled. He got off the couch and helped Eddie get up."Are you okay?"Chris asked.

"_Que pasa contigo?_ What's up with you?"Eddie grabbed onto the Canadians hand and got up from the floor. Chris had never had that sort of reaction before while they were together before.

"I just didn't want you to touch me."Chris rubbed the back of his neck."I kind of overreacted."

Eddie raised a brow. That was odd and it wasn't like Chris at all."Why didn't you want me to touch you?"

Chris shrugged. He wasn't about to tell Eddie about the scars he had."It's just…I don't want you to touch me anymore."

Eddie wasn't buying that. He could read the Canadian like a book. "That sounds like bullshit, Chris."

"It's not!"Chris snapped."I don't want you to touch me. That's all!"He tried to walk away but Eddie grabbed him by the wrist making him wince.

"Tell me what's going on, Papi…Is something wrong?"Eddie spoke softly. Chris had been acting odd for days but today he wasn't even being himself.

Chris was silent for a moment but roughly pulled his hand away."There's nothing wrong with me, Eddie!"He yelled at the Latino and stormed out of the room.

It's been years since Eddie was left speechless like this. What was wrong with Chris? He knew the whole retirement situation was giving him trouble,but it was the first time he'd done this since that happened. He needed to know what was going on and he was going to find out.


	2. Chapter 2

Chris wiped away tears from his face, he felt stupid for crying. He knew Eddie was willing to help him with whatever problems he was having, but he felt like Eddie would probably feel disgusted by him and how his wrist, arms and even torso were covered in scars. He already looked terrible and the scars would just make him look more unappealing. He heard Eddie moving around by the door and let out a sigh. Eddie shouldn't be worrying about him, he wasn't worth it.

"Chris, I just want to talk."Eddie leaned against the bedroom door. He'd been trying to get him out of the room for a while now. Chris had been avoiding him after what happened on the couch in the morning. He tried to get him to talk about it later on in the night, but that just ended in a huge argument."Open the door."Chris didn't answer. Eddie sighed and brushed his hair back. He didn't get the mood swings Chris was having and it frustrated him, but that didn't mean he had to yell at him like he did earlier."Chris...please." He moved the door knob around a few times and knocked. Chris still didn't open.

"I've got all day, _Carino_."Eddie sat down on the floor with his back against the door."And I'm not going to move away from here until you open this door and talk to me."

Chris sat at the edge of the bed; his hands fidgeting with the small blade in his hands. He looked at the cuts he'd just made on his arm with disgust. Eddie deserved way better than someone like him. Chris looked up at the door. _'Why do you care so much?'_

Eddie yawned. He didn't get much sleep during the car ride back home so he felt like he could pass out at any moment. No, he couldn't fall asleep. What if Chris needed him? But after a few minutes he felt his eyes slowly start closing. His eyes shot open again when he felt the door open behind him nearly making him fall backwards.

Chris looked down at Eddie with a raised brow."You seriously haven't moved from that spot?"

Eddie jumped up to his feet and straightened himself out."Nope. " He replied.

Chris felt a bit of guilt now."Sorry, I shouldn't have locked you out like that."Eddie just shrugged."Don't be. You were upset I get it."Eddie said with a slight smile.

The way Eddie was acting just made him feel even guiltier._ 'You shouldn't care about me like this…I'm not worth it.' _

The Latino put his hand on Chris' shoulder."Just…don't ever do that again,_Papi_." Eddie whispered."It worries me."

Chris frowned. He didn't realize how he was making Eddie feel with his actions."It won't happen again, I promise."

"Good." Eddie smiled and pecked Chris on the lips."You feel like talking now?"He asked."I won't yell at you this time. _Te lo prometo_."

Chris shook his head."Not now."He pulled Eddie close and hugged him."I rather just relax for a little while."He didn't want to bother Eddie with his dumb thoughts right now.

Eddie tried not to frown, he wanted to know what was wrong with Chris, but couldn't force him into talking. "Ok." He murmured."But we'll talk about what happened later."

Chris groaned. "Yeah, sure, Can we just get in the bed and relax for a bit already?" Chris looked at Eddie and forced a smile." You look tired and a bit wearied out, you could use it."He insisted

Eddie chuckled. "What subtle way of telling me I look like a mess."

"Ah yes but you're my mess, _Cheri_."Chris joked.

"Chris!" Eddie playfully shoved him away."You're not looking all that hot yourself."He mentally kicked himself when he saw Chris' smile fade away.

"Yeah, I guess I do…"Chris mumbled before walking back into the bedroom. _'So I do look like shit.'_

Eddie pinched the bridge of his nose._ 'Soy un idiota! '_He needed to learn when to keep his mouth shut.

* * *

><p>They both laid on the bed in complete silence. Eddie's head was on Chris' chest, the Canadian played around with the smaller mans hair. He was looking up at the blank ceiling, the usual painful thoughts starting to fill his head. "You mind me asking you something?"Chris snapped out of it when he heard Eddie's voice. Wasn't he asleep? "Shot" Chris replied.<p>

"Why are you wearing a sweater in the middle of summer?"Eddie asked. "it's like you ran out of short sleeved shirts or something and you know how much I love the way you look in those,_Carino._"Eddie grinned at the thought. He especially liked it when they were tight and showed off the others body.

Chris froze up for a moment."Uhm…I just feel like wearing them."He shrugged."Besides it's not that hot."

Eddie shook his head."That's because you haven't gone outside. You could probably cook an egg on the sidewalk with how sunny it is."He looked up at Chris."How long has it been since you've gone out anyway?"

"Could you stop asking me stuff?"Chris grumbled. He didn't fell answering anything Eddie was asking."You said we weren't going to talk, "Chris lightly moved Eddie away and sat up.

"But Chris you worry me!"Eddie yelled. Chris flinched slightly at the raised tone of voice."You don't leave the house, you completely stopped taking care of yourself, you push me away and you don't like me touching you! What's wrong, Chris? I want to know but you never want to talk!"Eddie was completely unaware of how loud he was yelling.

"Eddie…I-I…"Chris stammered. Great, now he pissed off Eddie._ 'Am I ever going to stop screwing everything up?' _

"I want to know what's wrong with you."Eddie said.

Chris clenched his fists. "There's nothing wrong with me!"He could feel could feel tears in his eyes.

"That's bullshit and you know it!"Eddie retorted. Not knowing what was going on with Chris frustrated him."Just tell me what's wrong…"He reached for Chris' arm. They could usually talk things out but lately it was impossible to go a day without arguing when they were around each other.

Chris jolted away from the touch. "I'm fine Eddie!"He got off the bed."I said I didn't want to talk…"Chris walked into the bedroom bathroom and slammed the door shut.

Eddie bolted up."Chris!"He frantically knocked on the door."Come on you said you weren't going to do this again!"He cussed under his as he banged on the door breath. He shouldn't have let his own temper get to him like that.

Chris stood in the bathroom, ignoring Eddie's desperate pleas. He looked up at his reflection in the mirror."This is your fault."He scrunched his nose up in disgust."He wouldn't be angry if you weren't so pathetic."He hissed and glared at his own reflection. He hated everything he saw in it. The dark circles under eyes, his messed up hair…Everything._ 'Even he knows I look disgusting. _'His breath started slammed his fist into the mirror; he started sobbing as he looked at the cracked reflection.

Eddie's eyes widened when he heard something break on the other side of the door."Chris, are you ok?!"He banged at the door."Open the damn door!"He shouted but didn't get a response. He wasn't going to stay still this time. He took a few steps back and kicked the door. I didn't budge. He tried again, this time with a lot more force. The door flung open and he ran in.

Chris was huddled up in a corner, with his knees up against his chest and holding onto his bloody hand. He was shivering and had tears streaming down his face.

"_Querido_…" Eddie looked down at Chris, eyes full of worry."What did you do?"He then noticed the broken mirror._ 'Why would he…' _He slowly approached Chris.

Chris looked up at Eddie with tear filled eyes."I-I'm sorry….it's my fault you're angry. "He cried.

"It's not your fault,_Papi_." Eddie knelt down."I just lost my temper that's all."He brushed his hand through Chris' hair."I'm really worried about you."

"You shouldn't be…I'm too pathetic."Chris sniveled and looked down.

Eddie furrowed his brows."You're not pathetic_, Carino_."He didn't get where that came from, Chris had never said this type of stuff about himself before. He looked down at Chris' cut up hand and grimaced. Why would he break a mirror like that? This all confused him, but he had to figure out a better way of handling thing. He couldn't just yell at Chris because he didn't understand what was going on. He gave Chris small kiss on the forehead."C'mon we got to get that hand patched."He picked the man up from the ground and helped him out of the bathroom.

Chris hung tightly onto Eddies shoulder until he let him go. He gave him a confused look when he walked away.

"Sit down on the bed. I'm going to go get some stuff to clean up those cuts with."He said and gave him a reassuring smile.

Chris watched as Eddie walked out of the room. He let out a sigh as looked down it his hand, his knuckles were all cut up and bleeding. _'I deserve this.'_

Eddie walked back into the room and started treating Chris' hand. He pulled some small pieces of glass out and cleaned the cuts. He was bandaging up the hand when he noticed something weird on Chris' wrist. He squinted; it looked like he had a scar.

Chris pulled his hand away before Eddie could get a better look."I'll finish this up…you've already done enough for me already. "He mumbled.

Eddie shot him a concerned look."Are you sure?"

"Yeah, I think I'm capable of wrapping my hand up."Chris smiled slightly.

Eddie was about to argue but decided not to. He didn't want to spark another argument."Sure, whatever you say. "He sighed.

"Uhh Chris?"

"Yeah?"

"What's with that scar on your wrist?"

Chris stiffened. He was silent for a moment and started laughing."You're seeing things,_ Cheri_."

"Maybe you're right."Eddie mumbled."I'm too tired. I'm probably imagining things."

"That might be it."Chris agreed, a wave of relief washing over him. He thought Eddie figured out what he was doing. That couldn't happen, it was just worry Eddie more and make him yell again. He definitely didn't want that.


End file.
